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stegzyI have an addiction. It is a modern addiction. It is a debilitating and dangerous addiction. It is a serious health risk. It is a serious problem.
It's not hard drugs. It's not alcohol. You may be surprised (or not) when you work out (or I tell you) what the addiction is. You might be addicted yourself. I know a good many people who, on reflection, are just as addicted as I am, if not worse.
The addiction can ruin lives, kill, cause social and psychological problems and yet it is not widely publicised.
Of course, the first step to recovering from an addiction is recognising you have the problem and then doing something about it.
So let me tell you about my addiction. My addiction started in 1982. I was very young. It wasn't so bad then. I could sneak a fix without people noticing. I suppose those around me didn't know any wiser. I gradually became withdrawn. I interacted less and I became gradually obsessed with my new addiction.
I managed to kick the habit, mostly without realising, in 1990. I became more sociable interactive and better. But, like giving a glass of whisky to an alcoholic, by 1994 I was back on the addiction. You see, I didn't realise it then. But I do now. I know what the problem was and I can see it for what it is. I can see, reflectively what issues it has caused through my life. I can see when my life changed. I can see that changes in my life occurred when I was able to get my fix.
By 1997, because of a change in circumstance, I was able to kick my habit unknowingly but less than 2 years later I was, unwittingly, back in the addictive frame of mind.
This return was heralded by changes in society. I was able to gain my fix daily. Sating my addiction without anyone noticing.
Then we get to today. Don't get me wrong, this isn't completely a flash of inspiration here. This is a gradual understanding culminating with a huge smack across the face with the fish of reality. Today I realised my addiction. Tomorrow I am going to change.
Naturally the first place I looked to for a cure was the internet. The internet told me, in a perverse way, that yes I had an addiction. An addiction that is only now starting to come to light socially. There is little care or help available for people like me.
Of course if you haven't guessed already, my addiction is computers. It is now becoming recognised medically. (http://www.beatingaddictions.co.uk/BeatingAddictionComputers.html)
So what can I do? How can I help myself?
Well I have two options. I can turn my computer off, sell it and go back to society as it was before my addiction gripped. Or I can continue, risk my life, friends, relationships and career.
Giving up entirely is not as easy as it sounds. I would have to consider trying not to use a computer unless it is absolutely necessary. But, like alcoholics do you give them a nip of brandy because they're a bit hypothermic? I communicate with lots of people through the internet. I write letters on my computer. I listen to music on my computer. I write essays for my degree on a computer. How can I continue through life not using computers? Most jobs these days require some computer usage to function.
I could turn back to pen and paper, write letters, telephone people, visit people. I could try and get a job where computers are not used. But where would that leave me? Mocked, despised, ridiculed? I need support. I need help.
MY NAME IS STEGZY GNOMEPANTS AND I AM ADDICTED TO COMPUTERS.
There. I have said it. I am an addict.
I think I will try and manage my computer usage to one hour a day (unless I am doing work). That includes checking email, listening to music, playing games. I know I will fail but I know that to succeed in the world I have to face my addiction head on. Aware that I am addicted I may be able to stop myself from worsening my condition.
Part of me is saying stop Dreamwidth too. LJ was the first step. By stopping LJ I became more aware of how much control computers have over our lives these days. How many hours I have wasted on computers. How much damage they have done to me and to society as a whole.
I know this will be hard to swallow for some of you. But if it helps, imagine my addiction is smack or something. Try and help me overcome my addiction by being there when I need you. I will withdraw from the internet. If you wish to communicate with me, use telephone, text or write me a letter. In fact, writing me a letter is the best thing. Nobody writes letters these days.
Thank you for reading. If you are reading this on LJ or one of the RSS feeds I have, please could you tell other people that know me about this post. Link to it if you will. It will hopefully make people realise that the first step is realisation, the second is control. Or something like that.
It's not hard drugs. It's not alcohol. You may be surprised (or not) when you work out (or I tell you) what the addiction is. You might be addicted yourself. I know a good many people who, on reflection, are just as addicted as I am, if not worse.
The addiction can ruin lives, kill, cause social and psychological problems and yet it is not widely publicised.
Of course, the first step to recovering from an addiction is recognising you have the problem and then doing something about it.
So let me tell you about my addiction. My addiction started in 1982. I was very young. It wasn't so bad then. I could sneak a fix without people noticing. I suppose those around me didn't know any wiser. I gradually became withdrawn. I interacted less and I became gradually obsessed with my new addiction.
I managed to kick the habit, mostly without realising, in 1990. I became more sociable interactive and better. But, like giving a glass of whisky to an alcoholic, by 1994 I was back on the addiction. You see, I didn't realise it then. But I do now. I know what the problem was and I can see it for what it is. I can see, reflectively what issues it has caused through my life. I can see when my life changed. I can see that changes in my life occurred when I was able to get my fix.
By 1997, because of a change in circumstance, I was able to kick my habit unknowingly but less than 2 years later I was, unwittingly, back in the addictive frame of mind.
This return was heralded by changes in society. I was able to gain my fix daily. Sating my addiction without anyone noticing.
Then we get to today. Don't get me wrong, this isn't completely a flash of inspiration here. This is a gradual understanding culminating with a huge smack across the face with the fish of reality. Today I realised my addiction. Tomorrow I am going to change.
Naturally the first place I looked to for a cure was the internet. The internet told me, in a perverse way, that yes I had an addiction. An addiction that is only now starting to come to light socially. There is little care or help available for people like me.
Of course if you haven't guessed already, my addiction is computers. It is now becoming recognised medically. (http://www.beatingaddictions.co.uk/BeatingAddictionComputers.html)
So what can I do? How can I help myself?
Well I have two options. I can turn my computer off, sell it and go back to society as it was before my addiction gripped. Or I can continue, risk my life, friends, relationships and career.
Poll #645 Addict
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 9
What option do you think I should take?
Giving up entirely is not as easy as it sounds. I would have to consider trying not to use a computer unless it is absolutely necessary. But, like alcoholics do you give them a nip of brandy because they're a bit hypothermic? I communicate with lots of people through the internet. I write letters on my computer. I listen to music on my computer. I write essays for my degree on a computer. How can I continue through life not using computers? Most jobs these days require some computer usage to function.
I could turn back to pen and paper, write letters, telephone people, visit people. I could try and get a job where computers are not used. But where would that leave me? Mocked, despised, ridiculed? I need support. I need help.
MY NAME IS STEGZY GNOMEPANTS AND I AM ADDICTED TO COMPUTERS.
There. I have said it. I am an addict.
I think I will try and manage my computer usage to one hour a day (unless I am doing work). That includes checking email, listening to music, playing games. I know I will fail but I know that to succeed in the world I have to face my addiction head on. Aware that I am addicted I may be able to stop myself from worsening my condition.
Part of me is saying stop Dreamwidth too. LJ was the first step. By stopping LJ I became more aware of how much control computers have over our lives these days. How many hours I have wasted on computers. How much damage they have done to me and to society as a whole.
I know this will be hard to swallow for some of you. But if it helps, imagine my addiction is smack or something. Try and help me overcome my addiction by being there when I need you. I will withdraw from the internet. If you wish to communicate with me, use telephone, text or write me a letter. In fact, writing me a letter is the best thing. Nobody writes letters these days.
Thank you for reading. If you are reading this on LJ or one of the RSS feeds I have, please could you tell other people that know me about this post. Link to it if you will. It will hopefully make people realise that the first step is realisation, the second is control. Or something like that.
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Date: 2009-07-08 12:13 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2009-07-31 04:44 pm (UTC)